The Human Equation
by Nidhoegg
Summary: After an accident House falls into a coma and has to find his way back. This is based on Ayreon's CDThe Human Equation. Definitely HW slash, so don't like, don't read. COMPLETE!
1. Prolog

**Disclaimer: Neither Ayreon's "The Human Equation" nor House, M.D. belong to me.**

**Thanks to my wonderful beta Rose12345. **

**House, M.D.**

**The Human Equation**

**Prologue**

It was a tree. A large tree. An oak? _As if that matters!_ he thought.

It was his last thought before everything went black...


	2. Day1: Vigil

**Day 1: Vigil**

**Did he open up his eyes?**

**Did he try to touch my hand?**

**Or is my mind playing tricks on me...**

**Wilson's POV**

It was exactly 2 pm when the phone call came. I felt as if my heart was ripped out of its place. _House? In an accident? NO!_ But the officer on the phone told me otherwise. Not that Greg had been especially kind lately. To tell the truth I had felt somewhat... separated from him. So many times we had yelled at each other without a reason. And now a policeman called me to say he had had an accident with that damn stupid bike?! No! That could not happen! That must not happen!

The call ended and I hurried to drive to the hospital without causing an accident myself. I had been told that they had brought him to Princeton Plainsboro. When I arrived, Lisa Cuddy was already waiting for me.

"What happened?" I asked, breathless. " Is he alright? Tell me he is! It's not bad, right? Talk to me!"

" Wilson, calm down! I don't know, okay!" Cuddy was worried. I would have seen it even if I were totally blind. _That isn't a good sign..._ I thought. Lisa usually stayed calm in every situation. No, it was definitely not a good sign to see her lose control like this.

"What do you know already?"

_What I know? Do I know anything at all? _"I was told that House had an accident with his bike. That's all I know. Lisa, what happened? What do _you_ know?"

" Well, not much. All I know is he hit a tree on his way home."

_A tree?! How the hell did he manage to hit a TREE?_

Before I could question Cuddy further, one of the ER doctors approached us.

"Are you Dr. Wilson and Dr. Cuddy?"

"Yes, we are. How is he?"

" Well, ... He has two broken ribs, some bad bruising and a concussion." As he talked about Greg's head injury he didn't look at us. Instead he suddenly seemed to find the wall very interesting.

"And?" I had a feeling I wouldn't like the answer.

The doctor caught my gaze. After a short silence he breathed heavily and continued.

"And he should already have woken up, but he hasn't. We did an MRI and, well he's in a coma. I'm sorry."


	3. Day2: Isolation

**The Human Equation**

**Day 2: Isolation **

**I can't move**

**I can't feel my body**

**I don't remember anything**

**What place is this...how did I get here?**

**I don't understand, what's happening...**

**Am I alone?**

**House's POV**

I felt nothing. Not even the pain that usually bothers me. Just, well...nothing.

_Am I dead?_ _Perhaps I should just try to open my eyes..._

It was a strange place I saw when I opened my eyes. There was no horizon. No heaven. No earth. No movement. _Is this heaven? No, even if I am dead there's no way I would get to heaven, so...where am I? It can't be hell. Hell wouldn't be so fucking cold._

"Hello?" My voice echoed through the air. _How can it echo? There isn't a single wall! Dammit, there's nothing!_

I tried to stand up, before I realised I didn't have my cane. _Wonderful! I'm here, wherever here is and I don't have my cane. What a nice day!_

Then I saw it. A figure coming towards me. It was dressed in a long black coat that seemed to flutter with every step. _No! It can't flutter! There's no wind._ But somehow, it did. The figure was tall and as it grew nearer to me I could see it was a man. He had long, black, slightly curled hair and beautiful but cold features.

**Fear: You've been deserted, everyone has left you**

**You know it's always been that way**

**Those frantic years, the people you've neglected**

**Now the time has come to pay**

**You're alone**

The man stopped only one step away from me. On his face formed an evil grin.

"Who are you? Where are we? Where is Jimmy?"

_Wilson. He wouldn't leave me in this state. Where is he? Why hasn't he come to me yet?_

The man's grin widened.

"Jimmy? He's not here. Nobody is here. You're all alone. Like you always were. How can you dare to hope that anybody would even think about you? You're nothing!"

_What the...?! Did he really just say I'm nothing?_

"You can't know that! You don't know me! I am..."

"...weak. That's you wanted to say, isn't it? And you're wrong. I know you better than anyone else. 'Cause _I_ am your fear!"

**Me: Is this a dream or is it real?**

**Reason: Sometimes the dream becomes reality**

**Me: But I don't know what to feel**

**Reason: Then I will guide you through this haze**

**Me: But who are you, why are you here?**

**Reason: I am you and you are all of us**

**Me: I can't think, my mind ain't clear**

**Reason: Then I will free you from this maze**

It was one of the very few moments in my life where I really was speechless. _He's my fear?! What did I do? Take too many pills, start hallucinating, so that now my "fear" is talking to me?!?_

But before I could say anything the man had disappeared. I looked around me, but he wasn't in sight.

"Oh, please. Jimmy, I know you must be lying next to me. C'mon, wake me up!"

"I'm sorry to tell you, but this isn't a dream."

I jumped slightly as I heard the voice coming from behind me. It belonged to another man. He was also tall and looked intelligent. His clothes could easily have been taken from a historical movie. A book under his right arm had a Latin title and his glasses made him look a little like a school teacher. He had a friendly but sad look on his face as he watched down to me.

"What do you mean this is not a dream? It has to be a dream! The ghost or whatever I talked to said he was my fear. So I suppose you are, hmm, perhaps my passion? Old and dusty?! I had hoped you would be a sexy oncologist, so that this dream would be more exciting!"

"No, I'm not your passion. I'm reason. I can help you. You have always relied on me. So, why not now? And besides, this isn't a dream. If it were it would be a nightmare."

"Why?" I was becoming interested. This was strange. I had never had a dream like this before.

"Well, because..." He was interrupted be the sudden appearance of a young woman who was dressed like a table dancer.

**Passion: Can't you fell it burn**

**Deep down inside?**

**Won't you ever learn**

**Don't try to hide!**

"You asked for me?" She was small, with short blonde hair. She seemed to be young and she obviously had a temper. Reason looked at her angrily. _No, he isn't reason! He can't be. He's just a ghost my pills have created. Isn't he...?_

"We can't need you at the moment! Go away!" Reason seemed really angry. But why?

"Who are you?"

The woman, _girl?,_ looked at me as if she never had seen a human before.

"Who I am? You need to ask who I am? I thought you knew me. At least, since that cute oncologist entered your life. You really don't know?"

She came nearer, sat down before me, only inches away from me. Then she leaned forward, although I tried to back away. A devilish smile grew on her face as she whispered into my ear.

"I am your fire. Your lust. I'm the essence of life. I am passion!"

She wanted to say more, but the moment she opened her mouth, I found myself grabbed and held by a young and beautiful man who looked furious at me.

**Pride: I can't believe you're giving up**

**That's not your way**

**I can't believe you pass the chance to make them pay**

**You always had complete control**

**Never thinking twice**

**You always called the shots, a heart as cold as ice**

"What were you thinking?! Were you thinking at all?! That's so unlike to you! How could you..."

The man's yelling was stopped by Reason.

"He doesn't know what happened! He still believes this is all a dream. Let him go!"

_That can't be! It _is_ a dream! But then, why can I touch them? They seem so real..._

The young man's grip loosened.

"That is not possible!" he said in a low voice. Then, suddenly he shouted so loud that I jumped.

"That is NOT possible! He knows everything! Everything! He's smarter than any human ever was! He has to know!!"

During his rage his grip became stronger again and he even lifted me a few inches from the ground.

The slap came suddenly. The angry young man was so surprised by Passion's action that he let me go. I fell to the ground and was even more surprised when I landed on my bad leg and felt no pain. I could stand on it, too. Shocked to the core, I stared at the three people in front of me.

The young man put a hand to his cheek and gazed angrily at Passion. His dark blonde, almost straight hair fell across his eyes and he looked a bit like a teenager who had just gotten a bad grade.

Now it was Reason's turn to yell.

"Pride, shut up! Passion, stop it! You're both acting like children. Stop!"

Finally I found my voice again.

"What's going on? What should I or shouldn't I know? And who the hell are you?!"

The three emotions stared at me. Reason was the first one to speak.

"We are you. We are your feelings, your emotions. We are your soul."

_My soul?! Very funny! But then... could it be..._

"Where am I? Why can I speak to my emotions? Are you real?"

"We are."

"Of course we are!" Pride had found his tongue again.

While Reason sent a warning look in Pride's direction, Passion began to speak again.

"You're here in your head. With us. And at the same time you're not. Your mind is here, but your body is lying in a hospital bed. Unconscious. We don't know how you got there. But that's the truth."

_Unconscious? Hospital? How? Why? And why can I not remember what brought me here?_

I wanted to continue asking questions but then suddenly I felt warmth and a gentle touch on my shoulder.

**Love: Close your eyes, listen to your heart beat**

**Surrender to its soothing pulse**

**You'll find me here whenever they oppose you**

**I am the strongest of them all**

**No need to fear these feelings that enclose you**

**I'm here to catch you when you fall**

**You're not alone**

I looked up and saw a woman, more beautiful than an angel could have been. Her dark red dress matched her long, curly hair perfectly. The smile on her lips was friendly and warm and her voice could have melted snow as she spoke.

"Calm down, sweetheart. Everything's alright. We will find a way. Together. You've never been alone. There is always someone at your side. There is now. Don't be afraid."

_Sweetheart!!! Not even Wilson calls me sweetheart! Nobody gives me names!_

"What do you think you are! Some fucking saint?! You don't know if there's someone waiting! You don't know me!"

She just smiled. _Why does she smile? She should be angry. And why are these stupid other "emotions" so quiet?! _

"I'm not a saint. I never was. But I know you. I know you better than anyone else. Even better than Fear. Because I have always been with you. Hidden in your heart and only openly present for very few moments. But I have always been there. Because I am your Love."

Now I was speechless. Again. _This is really strange. No, not strange. It's impossible._

Confused, I blinked, but when I opened my eyes again they all were gone. And so I closed my eyes again...


	4. Day3: Pain

**Day 3: Pain**

**House's POV**

_I slept. At least I think I slept_._ So,...when I open up my eyes it's possible that I will be lying in my bed and just have a hang-over._

But I was wrong. I was still here in my head. Alone. But something had changed. It was still cold and absolutely quiet. _What is it? What's different?_

Then I realized. It was much darker than before and there was a bad feeling in my whole body. Suddenly I felt a firm grip on my neck.

**Agony: I am pain**

**I am real, I'm not a dream**

**I'm the chain around your neck as you scream**

**Surrender now**

**You can't beat death at this ruthless game**

**Make your bow**

**Hang your head in shame**

I turned quickly to see the ugliest man I ever met. His skin seemed to be made from stone although it was thinner than a piece of paper. His eyes lay deep down in his head and it seemed like he had no eyelids. Smiling, he showed rotten teeth and his breath smelled like death itself. His hair was thin and of an ugly white colour. His hands were bony and the whole figure seemed to be very ill. His surroundings seemed to be frozen just by his presence. And as he began to spoke I had to flinch because of his hateful voice.

"You're here again. Here with me. I'm so happy to have you back. My best friend." With the last few words he first began to chuckle and burst out in laughter. It was the most terrible sound I had ever heard.

_Who is this? What is this? Go away, you scab! _

But I couldn't say anything. This angel of hell took my breath away and paralyzed me. And then I felt it. Pain. Shocked by its power I screamed, which made the devil in front of me even happier.

I felt as though my body was burning. And although this creature was the one causing my pain, he was obviously amazed by my torture.

"It's so funny watching you die," he said, and laughed again.

Slowly anger began to form in my chest. _Who is this son of bitch to say something like that?_

"Shut up!" My sudden reaction stopped his laughter and caused me a new wave of pain.

"Well, I see you still try to fight. But it's useless. You should accept that I have finally won. Another won battle for me, the Agony." With this he smiled again, but this time the smile was wiped from his face when a big and strong fist hit him in the face.

**Rage: (Pain!) all the time, I had waited with rage**

**All the time, I was promised my salvation.**

The fist belonged to a tall, strong man whose face was red from fury.

"You worthless demon! You murderer! I'll get you! And then I will kill you!!"

The man's voice sounded like thunder. But the only reaction he got from Agony was a slightly amused smile.

"Of course, you can try killing me, but you would never succeed! Have you already forgotten how often you have already tried it? Oh, you're so stupid, Rage. You're so stupid."

Agony obviously tried to look sad and full of sympathy for rage. _But his eyes are still so cold and emotionless._

"Accept it, Rage! He will never find a way out of here. And when he realises this fact he will decide that he would rather die. And I will be there! Because _I _am his Agony and I love to see him suffer!"

And with a final laugh, he disappeared.


	5. Day4: Mystery

**Day 4: Mystery**

(Cuddy's "role" is the best friend, and Wilson has to be the wife I'm sure he'd look nice in a dress)

**Best Friend: No, I can't seem to figure out what happened**

**On the brightest hour of day, no car in sight**

**No, can't seem to accept these strange conditions**

**No matter what they say, it doesn't feel right.**

**Cuddy's POV**

_Four days. It's been four days, and he still isn't awake. It's funny, in a way. How often have I wished that he wouldn't fight with me all the time? But now... I would really welcome just one single sarcastic comment from him._

The police had told Wilson and me that they couldn't explain what had led to House's crash. They said there wasn't anything that could have caused him to be distracted. And I knew House was a good driver. Sometimes his driving was a little risky, okay, but so risky that he would hit a tree while going along a straight open road?

_No, I don't understand! _

I came to his room. Through the glass walls I could see Wilson sitting next to him. _Like always..._

I decided to visit him. Join Wilson in this miserable state. He looked up as I entered the room.

"Hey." His voice sounded tired and he looked utterly miserable.

"You should try to sleep. Go home."

He ignored me for a few minutes.

"Do you think he knows we're here, waiting and...caring?"

I looked at the unconscious man in the hospital bed.

"Yes. I'm sure he can hear us. Are you?"

**Wife: (g) Do you think he's seen it?**

**Best Friend: I don't think he did**

**Wife: Do you think he knows it?**

**Best Friend: I don't think he knows**

**Wife: Do you think he's been there?**

**Best Friend: I don't think he was**

**Wife: Do you think he'll die?**

**Best Friend: I don't think he will**

Silence. Then I heard a quiet, muffled "I'm not sure...". Wilson looked up at me.

"Do you think he knows what happened?"

"What do you mean? I don't think he suffered, at least I hope so..."

"Could it...well, could it have been ...because of us?"

_There it was. That question that has been burning in both of us. Until now nobody has spoken about it, but Wilson knows as well as I know that it could easily be our fault. _

And that really wasn't a nice thought...

**Wife: No, could it have been a moment of distraction?**

**A creature on the road, a plane in the air...**

**Wilson's POV**

_It's already been four days, and I still can't believe it's true. I have a feeling I can't shake that this might have happened because of me. I'm feeling so bad, so guilty. _

Cuddy didn't answer, but her silence only made my feeling of responsibility stronger.

_Dammit, he could have died!!_ My gaze dropped back to the still figure of my best friend and lover. At least I still had my love for him. _If he would just open his beautiful blue eyes._ _Then I would explain everything to him. Tell him how much I miss him._

But he didn't wake up.

**Best Friend: Do you think he's seen it?**

**Wife: I don't think he did**

**Best Friend: Do you think he knows it?**

**Wife: I don't think he knows**

**Best Friend: Do you think he's been there?**

**Wife: I don't think he was**

**Best Friend: Do you think he'll die?**

**Wife: I don't think he will**

Cuddy left. I knew that I was tired and should at least try to sleep, even in this uncomfortable hospital chair. But I couldn't. Greg might still wake up, and if he did I wanted to be there.

Softly I stroked his hand, the hand that I had held for four days. I only let him go when I had to pee and even then I always was afraid that he would wake. Alone.

But slowly as I watched the sleeping man in front of me, I dozed off. And I dreamt...

**Passion: Do you think you've seen it?**

**Me: I don't think I did**

**Pride: Do you think you know it?**

**Me: I don't think I know**

**Love: Do you think you've been there?**

**Me: I don't think I was**

**Agony: Do you think you'll die?**

**Me: I don't know!**


	6. Day5: Voices

**Day 5: Voices**

**Pride: I hear voices, they're talking about you**

**Can you hear them, do you know what they mean?**

**House's POV**

I didn't know exactly how long I had already been here, but it had to be at least three days.

_And I still can't remember how I got here. Wonderful..._

"_...home..."_

My head shot up.

"_...knows...caring..."_

_Okay,...that's not me. But it sounds familiar._

"_...sure...hear us..."_

_Cuddy! It was her voice!_

"Who is this? Who's talking?"

I turned and saw Pride standing directly behind me.

_Nice. My most appreciated emotion visits me._

"What do you want, Pride? If you're going to assault me again then at least warn me first, yeah?"

"You hear them, too, don't you." It was more a statement than a question, so I didn't feel the need to answer.

"Can you understand what they're saying?"

Suddenly I wasn't so sure if I wanted to understand them. _Them?_

"_...think he knows...happened..."_

_Oh, right that was Wilson. _

My mood brightened immediately. He was there! Wherever "there" was.

Unfortunately this little glimpse of happiness didn't last long as Pride started yelling again.

"I can't believe it! No! They're wrong! They have to be! You are strong! You'd never cause an accident on purpose!"

_On purpose...?_

**Me: But what if there's truth in the words that they speak**

**What do they signify?**

**Pride: You worry too much**

**Me: And what are the questions to answers I seek**

**What will they clarify?**

**Pride: You're losing your touch**

Confused, I began to think about this information, when Pride stopped his tirade as Reason appeared.

**Reason: Who are these voices, where do they come from?**

**Should we try to understand?**

"They're real, huh?" So he had also heard Wilson and Cuddy.

Reason looked at me with an ordering look.

"Tell me, do you know them? Are they helpful to our plan?"

_Plan? Which plan?_

"What do you mean by plan?"

"Our plan of bringing you back to life. So, do you know who is talking?"

_Wow, good plan. Why didn't I figure it out?_

But before I could even open my mouth I felt a familiar warmth on my skin.

**Love: They sound familiar**

**They must be here to help you**

**All this confusion's tearing you apart**

**You must be patient, time is the healer**

**Open up and let them in your heart**

Her presence always felt good in some strange way. She smiled friendlily and looked as though she was about to say something. However, she was interrupted by the appearance of another well-known face.

**Fear: Their guilty sighs**

**I think you understand it all**

**You were afraid to live, now you're afraid to die...**

I wasn't exactly happy to see my Fear again. His smile was as evil as it had been when we had first met.

"You should believe what they say. You brought yourself into this situation. On full purpose. You wanted to kill yourself, didn't you? Oh, you know that you wanted to. You were always weak. And you always knew you would be your own downfall."

"Fear, stop it!" Love stepped between me and Fear.

_What did he say? I tried to kill myself? No, that's not possible. I wouldn't do that,...or would I?_

"Of course, you would. You did! Have you already forgotten how you tried to overdose?"

_No, I haven't forgotten that. And I haven't forgotten Wilson's reaction either. (- "Merry Little Christmas") But we're even now. We've forgiven each other. There's no reason for trying suicide again._

I hadn't realised Love and Fear were still arguing until Reason stopped them.

**Reason: I am convinced now, they are essential**

**They must be your way out of here**

"I'm sure it's that what they are saying is important."

Love also seemed to believe that I should listen.

"If you let your heart lead you, I'm sure you'll soon find a way out of here."

"Oh, exactly! Let your_ heart_ lead you! What nonsense! You see where your _heart_ brought you in the first place!" Fear's words were full of sarcasm. This time he was interrupted by Pride.

**Pride: If they are right, we'll fight for survival**

**Look to the future but learn from the past**

**Confront the danger, face up to your rival**

**Take a deep breath, we have to move fast**

_He's right. I've never given up before. Why should I now? We will fight!_

"Hah, fight! Funny, really funny. That's ridic..."

"SHUT UP!" I was surprised by Reason's and Pride's unison order.

And after I saw the look on Fear's face, followed by his very quick disappearance, I even smiled a little bit.

**Me: I think there is truth in the words that they speak**

**What do they signify?**

**Pride: You worry way too much**

**Me: I will find the answers to questions I seek**

**What will they clarify?**

**Pride: You're losing your touch**

**Me: Help me out, this means nothing to me...**


	7. Day6: Childhood

**Day 6: Childhood**

**House's POV**

Again, it was as if I had slept. But this time when I woke, I was in a room.

_This isn't the hospital. But it's somewhat familiar. Where am I now?_

I stood and looked around me. And then I realised. I was right, it wasn't PPTH. It was my old room in my parents' house.

_How the hell did I get here?!_

"It's one of your memories." I jumped slightly as I turned and felt the same cold I had felt when Agony first appeared. Now he stood next to me, smiling.

_Not a good sign..._

"What do you mean by memory?"

"I mean what I said. This is a memory. One of my favourites. You said you want to fight. What a ridiculous plan! But try! It will be great fun watching you fail. Try and fight your past! Remember...and suffer again!"

My surroundings went blurry and then I could see me. My younger self, sitting in the corner.

**Agony: You're alone in your bedroom**

**Hiding from the world, staring at the ceiling**

**Me: Mother said "he'll be home soon"**

**But he never was, and I knew how she was feeling**

From outside the room I could hear yelling. And I remembered.

It was one of those days when I could hear my parents fight downstairs in the living room. Again I had disappointed my father. He just couldn't accept that I was different to the other kids. I knew all too well what my younger self felt at this moment.

_Dad shouted at me. Again. He said that I am a loser. And Mom defended me. Now they're fighting. And all because of me..._

"You're right. It's all your fault that your parents are arguing." I wasn't surprised to see Fear standing on my other side.

"No, you're wrong. My Dad couldn't accept me. It's his fault!" _...or is he right?_

Agony chuckled and Fear sighed before he continued.

"You know very well that it's not your father's fault. You're responsible! You're the reason that your mother is crying."

"No! It's my father's fault. He always yells at her. It's not me..." _...but am I truly innocent?_

_What if I had tried to change? Would we have been a happy family? Or would they had been happier without me? Was I a mistake...?_

**Fear: You always let him down; "you'd never be like him"**

**He'd always break you, never let you win**

**No matter what you said, he'd always disagree**

**You swore that one day you would be**

**...better than him...one day you'd win.**


	8. Day7: Hope

**Day 7: Hope**

**Cuddy's POV**

_Seven days since the accident and he still isn't reacting to anything. Our neurologists say he'll probably never wake up again. But somehow I know he will. He has to!_

Wilson was mumbling in his sleep. Finally his body had won and he had dozed off in one of those uncomfortable chairs.

Slowly, I took a step so that I was standing next to Greg's bed. I looked sadly at his still and seemingly small figure and then, reflexively, I began talking quietly.

**Best Friend: So much to see, so much to live for**

**Questions to answer, places to go**

**So much to be, so much to care for**

**Deep down inside I think you know**

**You are free...come back to me!**

**House's POV**

I was woken by the sound of an all too familiar voice. Cuddy.

"_...you know if you wake up soon I might even be happy enough to let you off some clinic duty."_

I smiled. _If I come back... I'd like to. I really would. But I don't know how!_

"_Wilson is really concerned about you."_

There was a short silence and I was almost afraid that she had gone.

"_...and I am, too. C'mon, wake up! I won't even yell at you when you make the nurses cry. And you can have your Game Boy, iPod, soaps, whatever you want, just come back to us."_

That sounded nice, in some way. _I think she's right. I've got to wake up. It's already been too long since I left. _

Somewhere in the back of my mind the memory of the day before was still very present, but I tried hard to ignore it.

**Best Friend: So much to see**

**Me: He may be right**

**Best Friend: So much to live for**

**Me: I've got to fight**

**Best Friend: Questions to answer**

**Me: I will pull through**

**Best Friend: Places to go**

**Me: Take me with you**

**Best Friend: So much to be**

**Me: I will not break**

**Best Friend: So much to care for**

**Me: I must awake**

**Best Friend: Deep down inside I think you know**

**Me: I think I know**

**Best Friend: You are free**

**Me: I am free!**

**Best Friend: Come back to me!**

_I have to get back. No matter how. I just have to be with them again._

I tried to force my real eyes open. Tried to speak. To flinch. To just move a finger.

But nothing happened. _It has to!_

"LET ME OUT!"


	9. Day8: School

**Day 8: School**

**Fear: It's time to leave your sheltered cage**

**Face your deepest fears**

**The world is against you**

**You're fighting back the tears**

**House's POV**

Cuddy's voice was still in my head as I woke up again.

And once again, I found myself in one of my memories. This time I was in a corridor of my old school.

_That's not good. First of all why am I still here? And secondly, I'm afraid I already know what this memory is about._

"Hey, Fear! I know you have to be here! So come out!"

If I was right then Fear would certainly appear.

"Hm, I see you learned from our last meeting."

He was smirking, but it wasn't friendly. Instead it was cold and a bit calculating.

"I think you already know what we are going to see, don't you?"

_Yes, I know. And unfortunately I know that it won't be fun._

**Me: All the kids were watching me**

**I felt very small**

**I could hear the laughter**

**As I stumbled down the hall**

Like the first time, my vision went blurry. As it cleared up I could see myself trying to escape my classmates' comments. Their seemingly evil laughter made me clench my fists.

Their devilish and stupid behaviour still woke a fire in me I never thought or hoped to feel again. I almost expected to see Rage standing beside me.

**Rage: (human) Seeking to find, deep in the trauma as it leaves you behind**

**(human) Bleeding it gone into the profit of the competition**

**(human) Loving today, all of the feelings are they going away**

**(human) Ending it now, I'd rather hear about the where and the how**

I had always alienated the people around me. I had always been intelligent. Most of the time, more intelligent than others. It all had started in school. And even kids don't like to be excelled.

So I could have understood them in some way if they had just shouted and commented. But the thing I still couldn't understand was the beating from the older boys.

**Agony: The bigger boys they beat you up**

**Out here you cannot hide**

**No friends to help you **

**No father at your side**

Perhaps I could have stood their words. But their actions were wrong. And I could still feel the anger rising in my chest as I saw them coming.

_This time they won't get me! This time I will fight them back! And then they will get all the pain in return!_

I was shocked by my own thoughts. _I'm not a fighter! I never was... One of the facts my father couldn't accept._

I looked at my younger self and almost felt the battle inside him. The battle between Pride and Reason...

**Pride: You gotta prove you're not like the rest.**

**Reason: There's no need if you know you're the best**

**Pride: That's not enough, let the other kids know**

**Reason: What's the use, go with the flow**

Slightly confused I watched two seemingly younger emotions fight and I felt what my younger version had felt this very moment.

_Confusion. Fear. Anger. Doubt. And...Hate?_

But Pride and Reason hadn't finished yet.

**Pride: Be a man, give in to hate**

**Reason: You better learn to communicate**

**Pride: Better learn to protect yourself**

**Reason: That's not the way to get out of this hell**

And slowly the memory returned. I almost physically knew which feeling would win.

**Pride: See the kid, wipe the smile off his face**

**Reason: He's just like you, feeling out of place**

**Pride: I don't care, let's show him who's boss**

**Reason: That's not the way to get your message across**

In the present I thought that Reason would have won. But at this time I was just a kid. Pride had won. I could see myself standing up from the ground and running towards the older and stronger children.

"Agony, you were right. This is one of the most terrible things I remember. But at the same time I'm sorry to tell you that you were wrong! I won't give up! Not this time. You're going to lose."

**Me: Then I got back at them **

**Still acting like a kid**

**Then I showed them**

**But when I had, I could not quit...**


	10. Day9: Playground

**Day 9: Playground**

**House's POV**

After the experiences from the day before I almost hoped that I wouldn't have to open my eyes again.

But then, hearing voices and laughter, I decided that one look couldn't be so bad.

Again, it was a memory. But this time it was a good one.

I was at a playground near my parents' house. It was spring. A warm day. All kids from the neighbourhood were there. I could still feel the fear that had had my heart in his firm grip as I had arrived there and had seen the other kids, the ones that usually laughed at me.

But this day had been different. They had allowed me to play with them. To be a part of their group. They had accepted me for the first time.

_I still don't know why... But they were nice to me. Even if it was the only time they were. It was really great!_

I watched myself as I laughed with the others.

_Yeah, that was a really great time. It's a pity that it is already gone..._

"But you can get it back if you want. Just follow your heart!"

I turned and saw Love standing behind me. And I smiled.

_Perhaps she's right... At least I could try to be a little bit nicer and see what happens..._


	11. Day10: Memories

**Day 10: Memories**

**Wilson's POV**

**Best Friend: It's been ten days**

**It shouldn't last this long**

**The doctors mystified**

**Nothing's physically wrong...**

I had just talked to the other doctors. _Normal brain activity. No other injuries that would stop him from waking up. Why is he still in a coma?_

I sat down next to Greg's still unconscious body.

"You would already have figured it out. Yeah, I'm sure you would know by now what's wrong. And then you would tell those neurologists how stupid they were to not find out themselves."

I had to smile at this thought.

"Maybe I should give his case to his team for a differential diagnosis."

I turned and looked at Cuddy. _Differential diagnosis... would it be of any help?_

"But what if he just don't want to return?" The gaze I got as a answer was a warning to not think in such way, but even so, I could see clearly that Lisa was just as unsure as I felt.

"If you're right then we have a problem. He's so stubborn, he might never come back again..."

I couldn't believe what I just had heard.

"Don't even dare to think something like that!"

**Wife: But maybe in his head **

**He's struggling to survive**

**Would it help if we talk to him?**

**Bring him back to life...**

"He will return! I'm sure he will!"

But I wasn't sure. _I wish I could be..._

"Okay. Then maybe we should persuade him to come back. Although I can't remember a single time I managed to persuade him to do anything!"

I smiled slightly. _She's right... Greg has never given up fighting, so he won't now. Right?_

Lisa waited for an answer. I sighed...

"We should try. Perhaps he will hear us."

I thought about something to convince him. But Cuddy was faster.

"Hey House, you remember that day we first met?"

_That's a good idea. To tell him about all the happy moments we had._

"Yeah, you were _very _friendly."

"You said, what was it... I looked like the new hospital intern prostitute?"

"And then we both laughed at her expression."

"Until I got angry and started our first fight."

"Which she lost."

"I'm afraid to say like just about always."

"Just about always? Have you ever won, Cuddy?"

"Yes, of course."

"Give us an example."

"Well, there was that case of the mafia man, Joey Arnello, I think. You gave in on that case."

"Erm, no, he didn't. Greg was right on that case. Like always."

"At that time Vogler was here, right?"

"Oh, yes, he was. You remember the speech you were meant to make to praise his new drug?"

"Oh my God. When I think about it now, that was really funny."

"And totally correct."

"Right. And the time we finally got rid of Vogler."

"We? Cuddy, I think that was mostly Greg and I, wasn't it?"

I got a chuckle as answer.

**Best Friend and Pride: Do you remember that time?**

**Wife and Love: Do you recall that day?**

Now it was my turn again.

"I hope you remember our first date."

"Oh, please, Wilson, don't talk about that. It was a nightmare!"

"Yes, but just for you."

"Two heads of departments go on a date. Two male heads of departments."

"The gossip and fuss we caused almost made the hospital break down."

"Because you didn't think it was necessary to keep your relationship secret!"

I laughed at that memory.

"During your clinic duty. Exam Room No.2. You remember?"

"I don't want to know the details, do I?"

"I'm sure you don't want to hear the whole story. You would only get aggressive..."

"I wouldn't! I'm never aggressive!"

"Do I have to answer that one?"

If I hadn't been so focused on Cuddy that very moment I would have seen a small smile on Greg's face...

**House's POV**

**Passion: Can you see her light**

**Shining through the black**

**She's reaching out to you**

**What's holding you back?**

I had heard everything they said to me. It was like warm sunlight floating through my body. _They are there. Nobody has left me. Nobody will. I'm not alone._

"And you never were. You know that."

I turned around and smiled at Passion, Love, Pride and Reason who stood there watching me.

Slowly I nodded. _I will return!_

But still there was a bad feeling in the back of my mind. Something wasn't right yet. And I knew I would have to figure it out soon...

**Reason: Can you feel her warmth**

**Glowing on your skin**

**Don't repress the memories**

**Let them all in...**


	12. Day11: Love

**Day 11: Love**

**House's POV**

Reason had said I should just follow my memories, so now I've landed here_. At least I'm pretty sure this is a good memory. I could say it's one of the best._

I was at that beneficial event again. Cuddy had threatened to give me two more weeks of clinic duty if I didn't go, so I had come. I even wore a tuxedo.

First I had decided I would use the evening to annoy Cuddy the best I could. But then I had seen Wilson. He was also wearing a tux and looked just adorable in it. As I watched him talk with one of the other doctors an old, well known feeling crept through my chest. I would have never said it loud but I knew I liked him. And this liking had been more than a friendly liking for a long time. Well, I wouldn't have said that I loved him at that time. But I definitely had a crush on him. Even though I normally liked women. _You just can't change what you feel._

**Me: Friday night, I had a few**

**There she was, out of the blue**

**Thunderstruck, nailed to the floor**

**I couldn't move, couldn't talk...anymore**

**Wilson's POV**

I didn't know why I remembered it at that moment. The memory just came into my mind and I had to smile.

It was a boring party for all those people who thought giving a hospital money would make them a saint. The only thing I found interesting was the sight of House in a tux. He looked somehow very sexy and I couldn't really concentrate on what the man in front of me was saying. I just had to look at House.

I had thought I had killed those feelings a long time ago, but now they were back with all their strength. I liked him. And I did it in a way that was far beyond friendship. I'm not sure if I already loved him at that very moment but it was absolutely clear that he was more than a friend to me. Even though I knew all about Stacy. _Will he ever love again after her betrayal? Will he ever love me?_

**Love: Of all these guys it's you she desires**

**Secretly her heart is on fire**

**House's POV**

He watched me. I could feel his gaze on my back.

_Could it be he feels the same way as me?_

I thought about going there. To him. _And then, well, talk or ... I don't know._

**Passion: Do it right, do it right, we ain't got all night**

**Do it now, do it now, I think you know how**

**Pride: Let it out, let it out, now don't mess about**

**Let her in, let her in, let the party begin**

I was still afraid_. He likes women. That's obvious. And even if he did like men, too, he wouldn't like me that way..._

But I had already drunk quite a bit and decided I could at least try to go over there and test where his borders lay.

**Me: There I was, nervous and shy**

**Struck with awe as I caught her eye**

**I mustered up courage and walked her way**

**Figuring out what to do... what to say**

**Wilson's POV**

_Oh my god, he's coming over. He didn't saw my glances... or did he?_

I was almost excited.

_We're friends. So it's totally normal that he's coming over here. Calm down!_

Sadly, I realised he would just come over to talk about this stupid event, Cuddy's clothes, the terrible music or his latest case. He would steal some of the food I had just taken from the buffet and we would laugh and banter like always. And later at home I would be angry with myself because I didn't take the chance, again.

At this time I hadn't known that the evening would have an absolutely different ending.

**Love: Her heart sings as she sees you come near**

**The music fades, the crowd disappears**

**She weeps in silence as you pass her by**

**And she's wondering why...oh why**

**House's POV**

My behaviour was so childish. As I neared him my fear of disappointment came back, so I dropped my gaze to the floor and passed him. Old memories of my parents came to my mind. How they always argued about nothing at all. _That's ridiculous! We're friends. The worst that could happen is a bad joke. _

**Agony: Remember your father, well you're just like him**

**Nothing but violence and fury within**

**Remember your mother, so lonely and sad**

**This will be her fate if you treat her as bad**

Still I couldn't bring myself to go there. So I just strolled in the direction of the buffet. Although I wasn't hungry I took a plate and looked back at him.

_Dammit, this shouldn't be so complicated!_

**Fear: You're afraid she might turn you down**

**All your hopes, dashed to the ground**

**Nobody loved you, nobody will**

**Why should you even try...but still...**

After two more glasses of champagne I finally decided it had to be this night.

_Now or never, right?_

**Wilson's POV**

I had drunken three more glasses of the stuff the caterers dared to call champagne. A bit light headed, I came to the conclusion that it had to be now. So, I took one more glass in my hand and began to search for Greg.

**House's POV**

_Where the fuck is he? He didn't go home already, did he?_

But then I saw him, at the same moment that he saw me. I smiled and he smiled back.

This night was the happiest night of my whole life. We didn't just talk. Somehow we understood each other.

From that day on we were a couple, although our official first date was a week later.

I smiled again as the memory slowly faded.

_I miss you..._


	13. Day12: Trauma

**Thanks for your reviews! I'm so glad you actually like my story! **

**So, now, here's chapter 13. Enjoy!**

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**Day 12: Trauma**

**House's POV**

_Wow. The last memory was just great. It could go on like this..._

But I already knew that that was a wish that wouldn't be granted. It was dark again. No memory. Just darkness and silence.

Even so, it wasn't surprising when Reason appeared out of nowhere. He looked a bit worn out but still had a smile on his face.

_Surely he'll tell me what I have to do. He always does..._

**Reason: Think hard, you're lying here in a hospital bed**

**Disregard the emotions inside your head**

**Concentrate on the real world beyond your mind**

**It's not too late to leave your burdens behind**

"Oh, right. You think I don't _want _to get back. Of course, there's no way that it's because I can't get back!"

My anger was obvious. I wanted to return. Hell, I didn't want anything other than to wake up but I couldn't. There was still something inside that held me back.

Reason looked as though he wanted to say something in return but he was interrupted by Fear who had suddenly appeared next to him.

From the look on his face, Fear hadn't come to tell me that everything was all right.

**Fear: We won't let go**

**Take you down below**

**Dark crypts of your soul**

**Locked inside your head...**

**You're better off dead**

His features went blurry and as they cleared I found myself once again in an old memory.

Somehow I had known this day would replay in my head at some point. But I had tried so hard to forget this one. To just make it undone.

I could stand and move here without any pain, so I had happily taken the opportunity to just forget about the infarction and everything that followed.

Now I was back in the hospital. I could see myself lying in that damn bed. Stacy was sitting next to me. I supposed that it was already after her cruel betrayal.

She had already made me a cripple.

I remembered the time I woke and realized for the first time that she, the most important human for me (at least at this time) had taken my life away.

At that very moment I had hated her. She had ruined all we had. It was all her fault.

"It wasn't. You know that already." Reason stood behind me with a sad smile. Passion had joined us and she seemed to disagree.

"She made a mistake and you have to suffer. She should at least feel guilty enough to just leave."

I hadn't wanted her to leave. But at this special moment I was just so full of hate. Paired with fear, regret and hope. All at the same time.

So, I had turned her down. Told her I never wanted to see her again. Although I knew it was a lie...

**Passion: She won't let you go**

**Keep you down below**

**Dark crypts of your soul**

**Locked inside your head**

**You're better off dead**

Time had passed since that day but I stayed the asshole I had become that very moment. I stayed that way for a long time.

_Passion's right. Stacy still ruled my actions, although she wasn't there physically. _

I didn't change. Not even when I finally found the courage to let a human being come near me. I had often wondered why Wilson still liked me. Why he still believed in our friendship and, later, in our love. Somehow, Stacy was nearly always in my mind.

_I have to let go... She will ruin my life again if I don't forget her. And I don't want to lose Wilson. No, I won't let that happen! I will fight!_

**Pride: By now you realise you have to be relentless to survive**

**Repress your memories, bury your emotions and thrive!**

**It's your life!**


	14. Day13: Sign

**Well, sorry for the wait. Damn school! But now here's the next chapter for you.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Day 13: Sign**

**House's POV**

Still alone but now filled with hope, I stood in the dark and stared into the black waiting for another memory to replay. I was silent and thought about the latest experience my mind had given me when I felt a light touch on my shoulder.

Love was back. As always, she smiled, but she seemed to be a bit concerned.

"What's wrong, Love?"

It took a moment of silence before she looked me in the eye and quietly began to speak.

**Love: Fate has come to warn**

**That you far too long forsaken her heart**

**Move to the truth**

**Breathe the sunlight burning in her open arms**

"He's waiting. Still he sits by your side but slowly he loses his faith. I'm afraid if you wait and stay here with us he might leave you."

She was talking about Wilson. _Leave me? He'd never do that. _

"He's never left me before. You should know that, Love. So why would he do it now?"

"James would stay if he could but it's been a long time. And unfortunately it's a fact that humans give up hope very easy. So, return before it is too late..."

**Love: Break the chains that**

**Bind you to a past that feeds these bitter days**

**Seize your only chance**

**Follow the stars that beckon you through blackened skies**

I still couldn't believe she might be right. It just couldn't be.

_Have I really been here so long? Is it already too late? But how can I change anything? How can I return..._

I wanted to ask her these questions but then I heard his voice. Wilson. He was still there at my side. He hadn't left me.

I had never been so happy to hear his voice before. But what he said broke my heart and healed it at the same time.

**Wife: Can you feel me touch your aching heart**

**I can sense how much you're missing me...**

**Give me a sign, show me you're there**

**I am sure you'll find a way back to me**

"He's desperate. Why don't you try to show him you're still with him?"

Love said that as if there couldn't be anything easier.

"What a great idea! Let me just stand up shortly, I'm back in a minute. Oh, wait. I forgot. I can't stand up because I'm in a fucking coma!!!"

I was desperate myself. _I would do everything if I could just say Wilson how much I love him again. But I can't. I don't know if I will ever be able to return..._

**Wilson's POV**

I didn't know what to do anymore. Thirteen days and Greg still wasn't any better. Slowly my hope faded. And so I talked to him once more.

I wanted to tell him how much I missed him but all I could do was pleading him to wake up. Or at least to give me a sign that he still listened.

Cuddy who had fallen asleep in a chair near the room's window woke by the sound of my voice.

She came over and stood by his other side. But the moment she opened her mouth to say a few comforting words herself I noticed something that made my heart skip a beat.

**Wife: Can you see, I swear it's true, a teardrop trickling down his cheek?**

**Best Friend: Yes indeed, I see it too, could it be he's hurting inside?**

**Wife: Don't you think we should be glad he feels anything at all?**

**Best Friend: It could well be he cries because of us**

**Wife: Does it matter why he cries?**

**Best Friend: What's going on in his mind?**

**Wife: Has he given us a sign?**

I had never seen him cry. Never. Not even when Stacy left. But there it was. A single tear searching its way down Greg's face.

I was so happy I wanted to dance and shout out loud that House was still with me. That he hadn't left completely.

At the same time worry formed in my chest. Lisa might be right. Perhaps he knew it. And that would mean this whole drama would be Cuddy's and my fault. Not a very good thought...

**Wife: Can you see, I swear it's true, him clenching his right hand into a fist?**

**Best Friend: Yes indeed, I see it too, could it be he's raging inside?**

**Wife: Don't you think we should be glad he has any thoughts at all?**

**Best Friend: It could well be he's angry 'cos of us**

**Wife: Does it matter if he is?**

**Best Friend: What's going on his mind?**

**Wife: Has he given us a sign?**


	15. Day14: Pride

**Day 14: Pride**

**House's POV**

_Am I really that cruel? Is that the reason why I can't wake up? Is it that I don't want to get back? But I do...right?_

This latest experience had really confused me. _Everyone says I should come back._ _Everyone makes it sound like it's my decision. As if it was nice being here!_

_No. I don't understand them. But then again, at the moment, I even don't understand myself..._

"Stop thinking like that!"

I turned and saw Pride. _Wow, exactly who I need at the moment,_ I thought sarcastically.

"Thoughts like that aren't of any help. You're strong! You know what to do!"

I didn't. And I was slowly getting tired of this whole "you're so strong" thing.

_How would he know? I'm not strong. I never really was._

I was surprised by my own thoughts.

_Great. Depression is something I really need right now._

"Oh God! Stop it! You have no time for feeling miserable. Forget about those things. They're over. You never look back. Why do it now? Look forward! You're the leader. They're all useless without you. Cameron, Forman, Chase, Cuddy, even Wilson. What do you want with them? Greg, you don't need them. You're..."

As his speech went on, I grew more and more angry. And as he spoke the last few sentences my anger rose and I finally yelled at him.

"Shut up! Shut up, you son of a bitch! What do YOU know about them? Nothing! You know nothing about Wilson!"

I just wanted to punch him. He had no right to say such things. And his arrogant smile made my desire to break every bone in his greasy body grow even more.

**Me: I've always been respectable, I don't understand!**

**I tried to be compassionate; I'm not a ruthless man!**

**Pride: You need to show them you're superior, you lead the field**

**No one opposes you, all men must yield!**

Just as Pride was about to speak again and I took a step forward to grant my previous wish Reason stepped between us and stopped us both.

At first I thought of pushing Reason out of the way, so that Pride would get what he deserved for this comment, but Reason seemed have read my mind and gripped my shoulder with his right hand while his left grasped Pride's arm.

"Calm down. You both have to cool down, okay?"

He looked from me to Pride and back to me.

_Calm down?! Reason can say that so easily. He hasn't heard what Pride has been saying._

After a while I nodded and Pride made a strange noise in the back of his throat. Reason loosened his grip and cautiously looked at us. Then he sighed and turned slightly to speak to me.

"I've heard Pride's words. And, unfortunately, he may be right. You aren't easy to handle and often you just shut people off. But it's not too late. You have time."

Well, time was exactly the thing I didn't have, but some of what Reason said was true.

_What if I were to change my behaviour a bit? Would Jimmy be happy with me then? _

**Reason: You can still change, and right what is wrong**

**Pride: But can you swallow me, am I too strong?**

**Reason: You have to get back now, it's not too late**

**Pride: It's not like you to resign to your fate**

**Reason: Your loved ones are waiting, break out of your cage**

**Pride: You have the power; give in to your rage**

**Reason: Listen to Pride now for once he is right**

**Pride: Listen to Reason; let us be your guide**


	16. Day15: Betrayal

**Day 15: Betrayal**

**House's POV**

I was staring into the darkness. Nothing here had changed since I first woke up here. It was still as cold and still as dark as it had been at the beginning. But why? Why did nothing ever seem to change in this world? Was it because I couldn't change?

All the strange things that had happened already were hanging in my mind like grey clouds during a storm.

_It's all about this one question. How can I manage to get back to the world of the living? And what about this thing or whatever it is that is still lingering somewhere in my head? What's still wrong?_

I was so deeply immersed in my thoughts I didn't hear Fear approach behind me.

"Well, well, what are you going to do now? There's nothing left. You know very well that you have no power to fight your own fate."

"And that is exactly what you're doing. Fighting a battle that is already lost."

Agony had stepped out of the shadows behind me. As always, there was an evil grin spread across his face. This wasn't going to be a nice little talk.

I took a step backwards, away from these creatures of pure horror. But somehow they managed to surround me. I sighed and turned, exhausted, to speak to Fear.

"What do you want now? If you've only come to make fun of me then just do it. I won't listen anyway. You can say what you want. I'm not going to give up."

"Uhh!" They spoke at the same time and it sounded like I was sitting in one of those ghost trains. And I almost felt so, too.

"We see you talked to Pride." That was Fear alone. Obviously they had silently decided to speak in turns.

"You mustn't listen to him!"

"He is wrong."

"You won't have the power to solve this puzzle."

"It's too difficult."

"You're too weak."

"Let go of your ridiculous hope."

"And accept your destiny."

"You're supposed to die here."

"And so you will."

"But don't worry."

"You won't be alone."

"We would never leave you."

"So..."

"STOP!" I had had enough. They confused me.

_They're wrong! I'm not weak. I can still fight._

Fear and Agony looked at each other and then Agony smiled and turned his gaze towards me.

"So, you still believe you can end this? Okay. Then let us _help_ you."

"Yes, our help will be very useful. You wanted to know how you got here. Why should we refuse to show you what happened?" Fear's voice made me sick. But I didn't show him. I was supposed to be strong. It didn't matter what they showed me. It would be long gone by now.

They both smiled again and I felt a memory creep up from the back of my mind. It wasn't a good one.

And then I remembered. It was one of the worst...

It wasn't that long ago. I was standing in the middle of PPTH's clinic and looking across the room full of people who seemed to not even notice me standing just outside Cuddy's office. The doors were closed but I decided I would take a look through the glass.

The moment my gaze wandered in there I wished I hadn't looked. I should have just stayed away. But I couldn't.

From far away Fear's and Agony's laughter echoed in the air. They had showed me the result of what I had done.

I often played with people. With their feelings. Their fears. I liked to push their buttons. But this time I had gone too far.

Through the glass of her office I saw Cuddy cry.

**Reason: This memory burns inside**

**You can't forget, you cannot fight or erase it!**

**Passion: Let it go, try to unwind**

**Reason: You have to tell and set it right**

**You cannot run, you cannot hide so face it!**

**Passion: Wake up, free your mind!**

It was a sight I would never forget. Cuddy never cried. Or at least, she didn't often cry. Well, I had seen her tears before, but the knowledge I was the reason was almost unbearable. Okay, I had often been very rude to her, but this was different. I had made her break down. And I hadn't done it on purpose. It was a mistake. An accident. Something that should never have happened.

"You still want to return?" Fear's voice was full of contempt. And Agony's smile was more than I wanted or could bear right now.

"You know this will happen again. You'll make her cry. You'll betray her again. And not just her. You still want to see more? You still want to know the truth?"

And with this they both laughed again and disappeared, along with the clinic. And I was alone in the dark again...


	17. Day16: Loser

**Sorry for the wait... School is keeping me busy at the moment. But, well, here's the next chapter. Hope you like it...**

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**Day 16: Loser**

The hospital is full of noises. But he is calm. Nothing can ever make him nervous. Well, except Blythe. He's still a marine. Strong. Superior. Nothing ever touches him.

They had called a few days earlier. He doesn't know who it was that called. His wife was the one they talked to. She's been sitting here most of the time. How stupid! Their son wouldn't wake up. Gregory had always been weak, even as a child. Never had been a fighter like his father. And a man has to be a fighter. A warrior. Intelligence is only for the weak, for those that don't have anything else to rely on. And his son is one of them.

He asks a nurse where his son's room is. She gives him a sympathetic look and shows him where to go. He doesn't need sympathy. For him sympathy is like a punch in the face. He's never been miserable. He doesn't need their glances.

Now he's standing at the end of Gregory's bed. His features are still calm on the outside. But inside, all of a sudden there's something he hasn't felt in years. And he refuses to feel it now. It's fear. Fear that his only son will die here without ever hearing a friendly word from his father. Fear that he will never be able to show his own son that he cares for him. That he loves him.

No, such feelings make you powerless. Useless. He has to be strong. Has to fight these ridiculous emotions. And so he reacts in the only way he ever learned. He shouts. And screams in anger and rage at the unconscious figure in the bed before him. He's not nice. He acts like an ass. But he doesn't know what else he can do, so he reacts like he always has.

**Father: I came here to watch you bleed, oh how I love to gloat**

**If you had any balls at all, you'd grab me by the throat**

**You don't even look like me, ha! Not even close!**

**You're an aberration, some freak...I suppose, loser!**

He's lucky that he's alone in his son's room. Nobody has heard his rage. After this outburst he feels terrible. He feels like crying. But a marine doesn't cry. And so he turns around and leaves. Not noticing the tension in the still body in the hospital bed.

One thing is clear. He will never change.


	18. Day17: Accident?

**Day 17: Accident?**

**House's POV**

Dad had come. I knew he had been there. I had heard everything he said. It hadn't been surprising that Agony, Fear and Rage had been there, too. But I hadn't been able to do anything. I hadn't been able to stop his words, words that hurt just as much as they always had done.

_How could I ever love him? If he really hates me so much then why did he even come to see me? Why couldn't he just stay with his stupid Marines and hate them? Why?_

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't see Reason step out of the darkness.

"You asked how you got here, remember? Do you still want to know? Do I really have to show you..."

I couldn't believe my ears. _If I still want to know..._

"Of course I do! Show me what brought me here. It can't be so bad."

I was almost enthusiastic but Reason just sighed dejectedly and turned around to show me the street that leads away from the hospital. The memory started to replay and somewhere deep down inside me I suddenly knew that this would be the worst memory of them all.

**Reason: You're driving home, it's one PM**

**You cannot function, you're a broken man**

**Your past is catching up with you**

**Only her tenderness can help you through**

Until this point nothing out of order had happened. And then out of some damned intuition I looked back at the hospital once more. And there I saw them.

**Reason: You see her smile at another man**

**Wife: Did you see me smile at another man?**

**It was only us, please understand...**

**Reason: You see him hold her in his arms**

**Wife: Did you see him hold me in his arms?**

**We needed warmth, we meant no harm...**

As if it wasn't bad enough that Jimmy was having an affair. Why for God's sake did it have to be Cuddy? Perhaps I could understand if it had been one of the nurses. One of the little game he always liked so much. I hadn't been all that nice to him for a while, okay, but I never would have been so cruel as to start a relationship like that right under his nose.

_So, dammit, Jimmy! Why?!_

**Agony: Love left you, without me you're all alone!**

I just couldn't believe it. We had been happy!

_He can't do that! That's wrong! He loves me... doesn't he?_

Reason put a hand on my shoulder.

"You really want to see the rest?"

Unable to speak that very moment I just nodded. And the memory played on...

**Reason: Tears of sorrow fill your eyes**

**Your cold and wretched life flashes by**

**Is that your father standing there?**

**You turn the wheel, you no longer care...**

I stared at my other self. I was crying.

_So, this is the truth? This is what really happened? He betrayed me? Was it...my fault?_

**Passion: You saw her smile at another man**

**Now you finally understand**

**He held her in his arms**

**You've nothing left, it's gone too far...**

I had driven him away. I had always done that to the people I loved. But this time it had been supposed to end differently. This time I had thought I had really found the one person that could make me happy. And again all this shit was my own fault.

_Perhaps Agony has been right. I started this whole mess, so I should end it. They're better without me..._

**Agony: Your memory begins to clear**

**Now you see what brought you here**

**You try to open up your eyes**

**But the doubts leave you paralyzed**

But through all my fear, all my pain, I could hear his voice. Soft. And quiet. But he was there. He had been there all the time. And although I was still angry with him about what he had done, I felt a small hope that I hadn't lost him completely...

**Wife: I smiled at another man**

**Please understand...**

**He held me in his arms**

**We meant no harm...**


	19. Day18: Realization

**I know, I made Cuddy and Wilson really evil... sorry, but I just like to see House suffer (wow, I'm really evil muahahaha). I hope you still like the story this way. **

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**Day 18: Realization**

**House's POV**

Wilson had cheated on me. With Cuddy. I still couldn't believe it.

_That's wrong! He loves me. I love him. Why?!_

I didn't notice I had gotten down on my knees. I didn't notice anything at all at that moment. I sat there for a while, staring at the ground and repeating the same thing over and over again.

_That's wrong..._

Time passed and as I looked up again I saw all the emotions that I had met over the last few days. They were standing in a circle around me and were all looking at me. I felt a bit uneasy as my gaze wandered over them. Agony and Fear were enjoying this whole disaster while Love and Reason looked sympathetic. Rage seemed to be angry, as always, and Passion and Pride had matching furious looks on their face.

And then Reason began to speak.

**Reason: Now you know the truth, what will you do?**

**Me: I still can't believe it's true...**

**Passion: You better believe it, and make them pay!**

**Me: There has to be another way...**

Now that Reason had broken the silence they all began to speak, each of them representing a part of my thoughts.

**Pride: You cannot take this lying down!**

**Me: I gotta stand up, can you show me how?**

**Love: You must forgive them and open your heart**

**Me: It's all my fault, it tears me apart!**

**Agony: It would have been better if you would have just died!**

**Me: No, I've got to win this fight!**

**Fear: But can you face them after all you did?**

**Me: I gotta reveal the feelings I hid**

This fight wasn't over yet. There was still a voice inside me that screamed at me to carry on.

And through the fog that had clouded my mind for so long I heard their voice.

**Best Friend: See him fight, he's all on his own...**

**Me: I need your help, can't do it alone!**

**Wife: Listen to me, can you hear me shout?**

**Me: LET ME OUT!!**


	20. Day19: Disclosure

**Day19: Disclosure**

**Cuddy's POV**

His doctors said it was doubtful that House would ever wake up again. I didn't want to believe it. I still believed in his strength, and, of course, his stubbornness. I didn't dare to think otherwise. Partly because I still thought the accident had been our fault, and if he didn't come back the guilt would be unbearable.

All this went through my mind as I sat next to Gregory's bed waiting desperately for a change. Wilson had fallen asleep in his chair. He looked terrible. But then on the other hand, I certainly wasn't looking any better. Over the last few days he had grown a bit quieter. He never talked more than necessary. And since yesterday he hadn't even looked at anyone except House.

House. It had all been my fault. Again. Once again I had managed to destroy his life.

_Does he really know? Should we tell him? Would he really want to hear?_

I sighed. Yes, it was his right to know everything about this whole mess.

And so, after a short glance at Wilson, I lent down and began to talk.

**Best Friend: My good friend, I hope you hear my voice**

**I must alleviate this ache**

**I've thought about this and found I have no choice**

**I have to tell you this for conscience's sake**

I stopped and searched for any sign of a reaction. But as none came, I looked again at Wilson's still sleeping form, sighed and then continued.

**Best Friend: My good friend, well maybe I am wrong**

**I think you saw us on that day**

**I want you to know, she loved you all along**

**I hope that this will help you in some way**

As I looked up again I met Wilson's gaze. With a sad smile on his face, he slowly nodded and lent down himself.

**Wife: My sweet love, my heart belongs to you**

**But I was lonely and the need for passion grew**

**You were never here, and even when you were**

**Most of my words would go unheard**

**Best Friend: I'd be there to comfort her**

**Wife: We'd share our distress**

**Best Friend: But we were never in love**

**Wife: Can you forgive us?**

I felt the tears burning in my eyes and I hoped so hard that he had heard us.

**House's POV**

I had heard them. Their apologies. I wanted so desperately to believe them. Believe that I hadn't lost Wilson yet. That he still loved me. But a patient had once said that "when you love someone you don't betray them". I felt like crying. It was all so complicated.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and was surprised to find it was Love who had come this time. Behind her I could see Passion who had a broad smile on her face. Their presence was always calming. And their voices gave me hope.

**Love: Don't be afraid, her heart belongs to you**

**Passion: Don't be afraid, don't keep her waiting**

**Love: It's time to rise, and tell them what you feel**

**Passion: You have to let them know**

**Love: Here the dream ends, this is real**

Yeah. They were right. My fight wasn't over yet! I could still change!

**Me: I'll be there to comfort her**

**Passion: I know you will be!**

**Me: I'll come back to life**

**Love: I know that you can!**


	21. Day20: Confrontation

**Day 20: Confrontation**

The sterile hospital room was totally quiet, save the '_beep, beep'_ of all the various monitors. Dr. Wilson had left several minutes ago to get some coffee, so Cuddy was sitting alone with House. She was startled suddenly out of her near slumber by a new sound. At first she thought it was just someone outside talking a bit louder than necessary so that she could her it on her side of the glass wall. But as she looked up, her eyes met intense blue ones, eyes she hadn't seen for far too long.

"House! Oh my God! You're awake!"

She jumped out of her chair to get a better look at her finally conscious patient and the monitors.

"How're you feeling? Can I do anything? Do you want..."

She was interrupted by House who had caught her wrist and pulled her down so that he could be sure she heard him.

**Best Friend: See his mouth, he tries to speak**

**He cannot move, his voice is weak...**

**Me: My dear friend, can you hear me now?**

**I'll try to tell you how I feel**

**Best Friend: I feel the pain inside of you**

**Tell me please, what can I do?**

**Me: Listen well to what I have to say**

**I have to tell you...of my betrayal (Chapter 15)**

"I've even seen you on that day. Later. You were crying in your office. I...well, I... just wanted to say that... well, I'm sorry I made you cry."

House's voice was still quiet and Cuddy supposed that all the meds circling through his system had loosened his tongue a lot. But then, he had apologised. HE had apologised to HER! In all his years he had never apologised to anyone!

Of course, she had hated him that day – but she knew that what she had done to him was much worse than everything he had ever done to her.

His little speech had cost more energy House had hoped it would. He felt tired and exhausted but before he could go back to sleep there was something he had to do. Or better, someone he had to see. And he had to make sure that the apology he had given Cuddy was taken seriously. Mostly because he was fairly sure she would never hear the word "sorry" from him again.

**Me: The truth is out, I feel relieved **

**You hate me now you've been deceived?**

**Best Friend: Oh no, in a way we are even now**

**Come back to us...somehow**

It had taken longer than usual for Wilson to find some coffee, but now he had two cups of steaming liquid and was hurrying to get back to Greg's room. He still hoped Greg would wake up so that he could at least try to apologise. He knew and feared that although it would be an honest apology, House wouldn't accept it easily.

As he approached the room he could see Cuddy standing in the room leaning over Greg.

_Why in God's name would she do that unless..._

The cups hit the hospital floor as Wilson ran into Greg's room, making Cuddy jump slightly.

She turned, and Wilson felt like flying, dancing and singing when his best friend and lover gave him the curious and slightly amused look that only House could do – the first that he had gotten in weeks.

"House! Greg! You're awake! I'm...you...wow!"

All the things he had wanted to say swirled around in his head and all he could do was stare at the man he loved more than anyone else in the world.

House was so happy to see Wilson again he was sure everybody could see it on his face.

_He's still with me. Now everything will be alright. Our relationship will be alright again. The other things...well, we'll see..._

He was so tired. But Wilson was there. Now he could fully concentrate on recovering from his coma.

Deep inside, he could once more hear his feelings – most of them happy that he had found his way back. He was sure Agony and Fear were angry they had lost. But why should he listen to them? He had won.

He was alive!


	22. Epilogue

**Aww! I can't believe it's finally over. I'm so proud of myself! Thanks to all reviewers! Love ya so much!**

**At the moment I'm writing on a new House story and a CSI story, all at the same time. I must be crazy...**

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**Epilogue**

Days passed by and House got better. At first, everybody had been happy that he was back in the land of the living, but before too long most of the nurses were ready to send him back into a coma themselves.

Cuddy visited him as often as she could during the first few days and each time she tried to apologise. Wilson, too, apologised again and again for their terrible mistake until one day House threatened them he would never speak another word to them or forgive them unless they stopped their unnerving apologising.

Soon after they finally did stop House got bored with his room and started to "play" with the nurses. He also fought with Cuddy more than once and sometimes made her really regret caring for him. Wilson never left Greg's side and they mostly talked about every unsolved issue between them until they finally decided to make a trip to Canada to get married. Without anyone knowing, of course. They even placed bets on which one of the ducklings would first see the rings and put two and two together. House and Wilson also made a play of terrorizing the all-too-caring Cameron, which sometimes made even Chase and Foreman laugh.

So, all in all one could say that everything went back to normal.

Except for the fact that Greg and James were happier together than ever before.


End file.
